- Ronnie. - How far did you get?
Ronnie, listen to me. Okay. Turner just saw me.
- What? - Yeah.
And the redhead who was at his house, okay?
- Are you sure? - He chased her around the house,
and it got dark, he turned the lights out.
I mean, I don't know what I saw. I saw... Well, what if he killed her? I mean...
Slow down, slow down. Talk to me. What is happening?
- Just stay on the phone. - Kale?
Okay, just stay on the phone.
Are you seeing something?
Kale, what is happening?
Talk to me, man.
It's the redhead. She's leaving the house.
You are seriously losing it, you know that?
You gotta stop this, all right, Kale?
Kale?
- No! - No, no, no! Whoa.
Whoa. Just take it easy.
Easy. Slow down.
I'm Robert Turner. I'm your neighbor. I just live behind you...
Yeah, I know who you are! What are you doing in my house?
- Well, I... - Morning, honey!
I think I startled him.
I ran into Robert at the grocery store. I had a flat tire when I came out.
We tried to change it, but that adaptor thingamajiggy...
Yeah, my dad put those bolts on.
Well, it did not work. Instead it stripped it.
- My fault. - No.
You saved my life.
We had it towed to Frank's.
Oh, yeah? Thank God you were there, huh?
- To tow it to Frank's. - Just glad I could help.
Kale, would it kill you to use a bread knife?
It's a knife. What's the difference?
Well, the difference? About 60 bucks at Bed Bath.
Hey, you know, those things...
I've always been curious about those things.
- Do you mind if I just take a look? - Yeah, I mind.
- So what'd you do? - How do you like your coffee?
I popped my Spanish teacher.
Shoot, I think I left the milk in the car. I'll be right back.
So, when you say that you
- popped your teacher... - Yeah, I punched him in the face.
Listen,
I get it.
I went to school.
There are plenty of teachers I wanted to just kill.
Kale, would you grab the sugar, please?
Here it is.
Can I pour you some milk?
On the way back here, your mom was saying how much she likes eating out.
Was she?
I thought maybe we could do dinner and a movie sometime...
- That's not gonna happen. - I would like that. It'd be good.
For me. For me it's not gonna happen.
But I'm sure my mother would love to go, huh, Ma?
- You'd love that. - Why don't we sit down?
Nice meeting you, Kale.
- He is something. - Yes, he really is something.
And so is your place.
That's creepy.
I said it, I told you. The guy's a freak show, right?
Did he genuinely mean it was nice meeting you,
or was he sending you some kind of sinister message?
- Are you playing with me? - A little.
- Did you even notice my hair? - Yeah, no, it's nice.
It's real nice. Okay, there's the Mustang.
Then there's the longhorn skull in his garage.
And then there was the club girl.
Who looked freaked out, okay? She looked freaked out.
She was running around half-naked in his living room.
Then he challenges me. He stares at me.
He shows up in my kitchen, hits on my mother.
- I mean... - Can you blame him?
Your mom's hot.
My mom's hot. Can you be serious?
Did you consider whatever look that girl had
might have been something else?
Maybe she likes being chased around half-naked.
And that's it? That's what you're leaving me with?
I'm going to a party.
- Whose? - Mine.
Yours?
You're having a... I didn't mean to say it like that.
I just didn't know you knew anyone.
I met this girl today, Minnie Tyco.
Minnie... Yes, "Skinny Psycho." Yeah, I had Spanish with her.
She's a lot of fun.
I told her my parents were going out of town, and one thing led to another.
She called somebody, and then they called somebody,
- and now, everybody's coming. - Yeah, no, I got it, I got it.
So now you got the whole jock and bimbo population showing up?
Well, that'll be fun.
So you're really going through with this?
Yes.
All right, well, that'll be fun.
I just didn't think you would conform so fast but...
Try to keep those in your drawers tonight, will you?
Wait, what was that? Oh, you think I'm watching you.
Well, I'm not. I'm not watching. I'm minding my own business.
Hey, how are you?
All right, that's it. That's it!
Oh, my God.
- You don't like Minnie Riperton? - Fire!
I hit him, you guys! Go, you guys! Go, go, go, go!
I got you now, Greenwood!
- Oh, my God! Go! - You better not be listed!
Big tactical error, my friend. Huge!
What the...
What are you doing here? Huh?
Oh! No! Wait.
What's wrong? You don't like my music?
- Oh, my God. - What?
Oh, shit. Hold on.
Back off, or I will throw this where you can't follow.
Okay, just relax, okay? That's 60 gigs of my life.
Even better.
- What are you doing? - What are you doing?
I'm trying to enjoy my party.
- Oh, really? Okay. - Oh, no, wait.
That's wrong. According to you, I'm trying to conform.
- Well, you could have fooled me. - What does that mean?
I'm saying, if you're trying to enjoy your party, enjoy your party.
Don't keep looking up at me, trying to get a rise out of me. It's unnecessary.
So, you were watching me.
But for how long? Just tonight?
A week? Two weeks? Since I moved in?
What have you been keeping tabs on, Kale?
What else have you seen?
- What else have I seen? - Yeah. What else?
I've seen a lot.
I mean, not like that. Not... I mean...
For instance, I've seen that you're
maybe one of, I don't know, three people in the world
that likes pizza-flavored chips.
You're also the only person I've ever seen that spends more time
on the roof of her house than in her actual house.
And what are you doing? You're reading.
Books. You know, not US Weekly, or Seventeen or, you know...
But you're reading substantial books.
You also do this...
You do this thing where, it's like an OCD thing, but it's not. It's...
Whenever you're leaving your room, you grab the doorknob, and you turn,
you're getting ready to leave, but you don't, you stop,
and you back up, and you turn to the mirror, and you stare at yourself.
But it's not like a, you know, "I'm so hot," type of stare.
You know, it's more like,
"Who am I, really?"
And to ask yourself that, I mean, that's...
That's so cool.
Also, you look out the window all the time, like I do,
only you're looking at the world, you know.
Trying to figure it out. Trying to understand the world.
Trying to figure out why it's not in order, like your books.
I'm only looking at you.
That's either the creepiest
or the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Remember the other night? When we talked about my issues?
- You said you didn't have issues. - Did I?
That was bullshit. I got a million issues.
For a guy who killed his teacher?
I didn't kill my teacher.
What?
- Holy shit. - What?
What's in the bag?
- Oh, my God. - What?
- What'd you see? - Red smears.
- Blood? - What should we do?
I can't believe you want me to break into this guy's car.
We need to see what's in the blue bag.
So, get in the car and get the garage door opener, all right?
Are you sure I'm still in the clear?
Ashley, where's Turner now?
He's shovel shopping.
Visual coming your way.
Are you sure I'm clear?
Yeah, you're golden, man. He's still in the store.
Okay, here we go.
- Well, that's pretty cool. - What are you talking about?
Ashley's got, like, a live feed going here.
This is a lot harder than it looks on the Internet.
You're doing great, man. You're doing great.
Ashley!
- Hi! - Hi, Skinny Minnie.
Where did you hear that name?
- Hello? Ashley? Hello. Ashley. - Son of a bitch. I'm in.
There you go! Nice. All right, start looking around.
- Okay. - Look under the seat, too.
In side compartments, glove box, the whole nine.
- It's not here, dawg. - Nothing? All right.
All right, keep looking. Hold on.
- Yes. - Kale, I lost Turner.
I ran into Skinny Psycho.
You lost... When is the last time you saw him?
I don't know. About five minutes ago. His car's gone.
All right, hold on.
- Okay. Ronnie. - Yo, yo, here, I found his opener!
Okay, listen to me. Pop it open and give me the code, okay?
Pop it open and give me the code right now.
No, no, but it looks like
I can just open the garage right now.
No, Ronnie, don't do that. Don't do that, Ronnie.
Just give me the code, okay?
- Why do you sound so agitated? - Okay, listen.
Ashley just lost Turner, who's coming home right now.
That's why I'm agitated. I need you to read me the code. Okay?
- So, pop it open and give it to me. - What? Oh, no, no, no.
Operation Stupid is officially over.
No! Ronald, no! Listen to me.
Stop right there, turn around and give me the code.
Pop it open and give me the code! You're right there!
Pop it open and go. Pop it open and give it to me, Ronald.
I can't get this... I can't... It's not opening, okay?
Okay, keep trying. Hold on. Hello?
Kale, you've gotta get Ronnie out of there. Now!
Yeah, I know, I know. He's got the code.
He's giving it to me right now.
Well, tell him to hurry. Shit!
Okay, okay, okay.
Hello? Ronald, go.
Are you ready? It's one down.
Miss Carlson.
Kale.
Three up, four up. No, no, no. Sorry, I screwed that.
Okay. Up?
Four down.
Kale?
Hi.
I'm Robert Turner.
I live behind you.
Oh, yeah.
Would you mind?
It's just a little rude.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm officially welcoming you to the neighborhood.
I know that you've been following me.
Don't. No, don't.
Don't deny it.
I'm not upset. And, quite frankly, I don't even want to know why.
I just would like you to know that
I'm a little on the shy side.
So, short of all this sneaking around
in some kind of hip, new-aged way
of coming on to a somewhat older man,
I really feel obliged to tell you
that I rather enjoy my privacy.
You see, the world is... It's in a heightened state of paranoia.
And I tend to think that someone as intelligent
and attractive as you
doesn't need to be wasting her time stoking the fire.
I...
So, now you know.
You're not the only one who's watching.
So, feel free to pass that along if you'd like.
Cool?
Are we cool?
Cool. Cool.
Cool.
All right. That's it. Give me the phone. I'm calling the cops.
Wait. He didn't do anything.
All he said was that he liked his privacy.
But think about that. Why does he want his privacy?
I mean, he's hiding something. We know that.
- Yeah, definitely. - Right?
And he knows that we know that. He knows that.
And regardless of if he had a bad day or a good... It doesn't matter.
He scared the hell out of you. That's a grown man.
Look, Kale, he freaked me out, but he's right.
We're the ones spying.
Oh, man, she's got that Stockholm thing.
You know, where the hostage falls for the hostage taker.
- Where do you get this stuff? - I read a lot.
Okay. I got a... How is that a nice or charming guy?
- I didn't say that. - No, okay, Ash, what you said was...
You said, "He broke into my car, but he did it in a nice way."
- Maybe I'm not understanding. - Okay, you know what?
- Can we just... - Drop this?
This is obviously not a cute little game anymore.
This has gone way too far.
Hi. No, I'm not over here.
Okay, I'm coming.
Parents' anniversary, amazingly enough.
Just drop this, okay?
I'll call you later.
This is Ronnie. Make it good.
Ronnie, I did some research on Turner's house, okay?
I'm looking at the blueprints, and it says that when this house was first built,
this main house and the garage weren't connected.
And now there's this whole middle piece.
That middle piece wasn't there. I mean, what would he need that for?
I'm just thinking out loud. Call me back.
- Who is it? - It's Ronnie, man! Come on!
- Did you get my message? - What? No, listen.
- I dropped my phone in his car! - Wait, wait, wait.
- Wait. - I went home, it wasn't in my pockets.
I must have put it down when I was putting the thing back on.
- Okay, okay, stop. - I don't want to...
Are you understanding what I'm saying?
Okay, look! We're gonna get your phone, okay?
Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna get your phone.
But I need you to do one more thing for me.
- Yeah. Okay. Okay. - You there?
How am I looking? Can you see this?
Yeah, you're good. I see you.
Okay, how does it look over there? Am I... Is anything moving?
How am I looking?
- Yeah, you're good to go. - Okay.
There you go. There you go.
Wait, is this... You still got a signal?
Yeah, no, I see you, I see you. Do it from around the corner.
There you go.
Are you sure I'm still clear?
No movement. You're fine.
Oh, God. I made a lot of noise. Did you see anything?
You're good.
Oh, man, it reeks in here.
- What's it smell like? - Like the corpse of a rotting hottie.
Okay, yes, the door's unlocked.
I'm not seeing it, man. It's not in here.
Just keep looking. It's there. Just calm down.
Just be patient, you'll find it.
Oh, God, yes. Okay, I got it. I got it.
- Oh, thank you, thank you. - There you go.
Okay. Okay. Now listen.
- You gotta find the bag. - Okay. All right. Okay.
I don't see it. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I see it, I see it. Do you see this?
There it is. Good job. Good job.
- Okay. - All right, okay, okay.
I just gotta put the camera down for a second.
Oh, yeah. This is definitely the source of the stink.
Bro, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to come home.
Just stay calm. Stay calm. I need you to look in the bag.
God, there's a lot of blood.
- Wait a minute, I think that's hair. - Okay.
Oh, Jesus, this is nasty.
Oh, God. This is sticky.
Ronnie, the camera's sliding. Ronnie. Shit.
Well, that was close.
Good save.
Okay, I got it. Jesus. How am I looking?
Oh, no.
What the...
Ronnie? Did you just close the door?
I think there's someone in the garage.
Help me.
Ronnie.
Oh, shit, he's in the house.
Oh, shit!
Ronnie?
Oh, shit.
Ronnie!
Open the door!
Officer! Officer!
- Listen, my friend, has been kidnapped! - Drop the bat now!
- Down on the ground! - Okay. Okay.
Drop it. Now! Clear the bat.
The only reason I came here is my friend is in the house.
He's kidnapped by the owner of the house who's trying to kill him.
- No, come on, man! - He's claiming a possible 10-31.
- It's open. - It was open when I got here!
- Breaking and entering. - Bullshit!
- Mr. Turner? - Yes, I am. Can I help you?
Sorry to wake you, sir,
but the kid here is claiming that his friend is in your house.
Do you know anything about that?
No, I certainly don't.
You lying son of a bitch, he's in your...
- That's it, come on. - He's in the house.
- Come on, here we go. - Okay, look.
He didn't just wake up five minutes ago.
The man has been kidnapping and killing people.
Okay? There's a body in a blue bag in his garage!
Please.
Sir, when we got here, the door was open.
Well, how would he get the door open?
I'm not sure, sir. I don't see any signs of breaking and entering.
Just keep him here for a second.
Yeah, he lives with his mother. They live back here.
Just give me a second, sir.
Something doesn't feel right. Let's just check it out. Just take a second.
Come on, let's go.
Sir, do you mind if we take a look inside?
Not at all. You be my guest.
- He was stealing? - Yeah, I think so.
I'm not quite sure, but he did something.
Okay.
I hit it the other night.
I thought I could save a few steps and get it off the road myself.
I was hoping to bury it sooner, but it's been a hell of a week.
But you found time to fix your fender, though, right?
Well, that car is a classic.
I had to get it out of storage for the auto show.
I needed it in pristine condition.
- The auto show? - That's right.
The auto show. Big car fan, huh?
- All right, that's it. - The auto show.
Let's go.
- What about my friend then, huh? - All right, all right.
- Where's my friend then, huh? - Let's go. Come on.
Auto show!
It was his second violation, Mrs. Brecht. He's due in court at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Can he press charges?
Well, your son was in his house, Mrs. Brecht,
and so, yes, Mr. Turner can file charges if he chooses.
- Thank you. - Good night.
Good night.
I can't believe this.
I can't believe you're actually buying this guy's bullshit.
- What? After what you just pulled? - It's bullshit, Mom.
And everything that's happened this past year,
it's a miracle they didn't just take you away.
- I have to go talk to him. - What are you talking about? Now?
- He could press charges, Kale. - Now?
- I don't care if he's gonna press... - Sit down!
I care.
You are breaking my heart, Kale.
Oh, shit. What the hell are you doing, Ma?
Oh, shit.
Ronnie? Ronnie.
Oh, no.
Piece of shit.
Ronnie.
- Yo, don't kill me. - You motherfuck.
- Don't kill me. Hey... - Are you serious?
Do you have any idea what I've just been through?
Hey! Come on!
I thought you were dead.
Dude, did you want me to go up to the cops and be like,
"Oh, hey, you know what, Officer? He's right. I was in his house.
"I went in there to get the phone out of the car
"that I broke into earlier today."
Look, all I could think of was, "I don't want to go to jail.
"Hide. Hide." And I went into the closet, and...
Okay. All right, okay, okay, that was a bad joke.
- I just wasn't thinking straight, okay? - I get it. I get it.
- Please, please. I'm so... - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Oh, God. You bastard.
God. You bastard.
- Hey, so what was in the bag? - It was a dead deer.
- Naturally. - Yeah.
Yo, what is your mom doing over there?
She's keeping me out of jail.
Oh, wait. You know what? Then before they confiscate this evidence,
you should come over here and peep this.
I'm serious, man. I got my whole great escape on video.
I hope this works. I dropped it. Here we are.
You know what? I was in your closet for, like, two weeks.
I gotta take a piss. Check this out.
- Oh, no. - Yo, it's genius.
Ronnie? Did you just close the door?
I think there's someone in the garage.
Help me.
What was that?
Yeah, but it's just been really hard on him.
He still blames himself.
I understand.
I know feelings like that, they don't... You know, they don't just go away.
Thank you so much. You've just been so great about all this.
Well, it's been my pleasure.
Thanks.
- Good night. - Okay.
Ronnie!
Ronnie, get up here! Ronnie! She's on the tape!
Ronnie!
The club girl, she's dead!
Ronnie!
So, he got her on tape?
I really didn't want this.
All I wanted
was to live in peace,
which is why we gotta keep the spotlight on you.
You've done most of the work already.
You are the troubled neighborhood boy who cried wolf.
But now,
you are really going to snap.
First, you killed your buddy,
because he was calling your girlfriend behind your back.
And now we gotta bring your mom over here
so you can slit her throat,
because she just wouldn't stop blaming you
for killing your dad.
So, it sounds good?
Good.
Pen and paper.
Write this down.
"Dear Ashley,
- "I killed Ronnie..." - Kale?
Kale!
My God. Kale!
Kale!
Shut the door. Shut the door. Oh, God.
Grab the phone.
The scissors! Here, scissors.
- Come on, 911. - Phone is dead.
Where is your mom?
Turner's house. Here, take that.
All right, we've gotta get across the line.
Get ready to run, okay?
Come on! Go! Jump!
- Kale! - Go!
Come on!
I've gotta get my mom. Make sure the cops are coming, okay?
- Yeah. - Okay?
- Go! - Okay.
Go!
Mom!
13-Adam? 13-Adam-74, come in.
13-Adam-74. Go ahead.
Yeah, I realize your shift's over, but that kid just hopped the fence again.
You still want first dibs?
13-Adam-74. Yeah. Yeah, I'll take care of it.
Roger that. Over.
Yeah, when I take care of it.
Mom?
Shit.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit!
Mom?
It's the club girl.
She never left.
Mr. Turner?
Sir, are you here? Police!
Mom?
Dispatch, 13-Adam...
Mom?
Hello?
Mom? Mom?
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
You're okay, you're okay.
Here, I got you.
You made me do this.
You know,
I think you're the first one to ever get
one of these things taken off early for good behavior.
- Good behavior? - That's what I'm calling it.
You got a problem with it, call somebody who cares.
Good behavior.
You all set to pay the incarceration fee, Mrs. Brecht?
You're kidding.
No, she's not kidding.
Today counts.
She's not kidding.
No. Look.
Follow me.
So much for being spatially challenged.
Does it scare you?
Oh, yes. It terrifies me.
So, what happens now?
- Did you see that? - Hello?
Mrs. Greenwood, hi. This is Joe Smith from the satellite company.
Well, we're just calling to check up on our adult programming subscribers.
- What are you talking about? - Skin flicks, ma'am.
- That's what the kids are calling 'em. - Excuse me? What?
Well, we see that you're currently accessing it, ma'am, as we speak.
From receiver 3, second floor of your house.
- But that's not possible. - I'm just doing my job.
- Okay. - Thanks for your call.
Yes, ma'am.
What are you watching? What do you think you're doing?
Nice.
And I am calling your mother!
- You feel better now? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- But that's just the first strike, though. - Really?
Well, yeah, it's an ongoing offensive against neighborhood evil.
I'm very dedicated.
You're my hero.
Soon to be the most popular video on YouTube.